Dear Friend, In his Public Discourse article "Pandemic Lessons: Homecoming, Homeschooling, and the Home Economy," Joshua Pauling looks forward to a post-COVID society in which "a family-centered life, with the home as the engine of education and economics, orders one’s vocations and roles in ways that build lasting familial bonds and provide stability amid a changing world." Familial dispersion, what Mary Eberstadt called the "The Great Scattering," has led to atomization, identity politics, and religious decline in the West. For apologists of modernity, the proof is in the pudding – family either succeeds or it doesn't, and there is no justification for the good of the family per se apart from the accidents of financial success, self-control, or downright luck. Suspicious About Kinship It should then come as no surprise that some have proposed a radical overhaul of "notions of kinship" that point toward the reality of the intact, biological family as the fundamental cell of society. They seek install a state-mandated, totalizing program of the "surrogate family" in an effort to remedy injustices against women in the current surrogacy industry and inequalities of class, race, sex, gender identity, etc. The problem with this proposal extends even beyond the clear and measurable evidence that children who grow up in an intact biological family experience significantly better outcomes in education, health, economic security and sense of belonging than children who do not. That "private nuclear households" are vulnerable to the atrocities of rape and abuse is a reality worthy of our attention and efforts to remedy, but to insinuate that the natural family inherently perpetuates the evils of rape and abuse is at best, absurd and at worst, insulting to the billions of families who have lived, loved, and died for each other's good. Heeding the Wisdom of Ages The willingness of our academic elite to cast suspicion upon an inimitable and essential source of education and companionship for millennia should leave us eager to counter those suspicions with the wisdom of ages as well as rigorous data. Anyone who has experienced family life knows that it is not always (and indeed, not often) a walk in the park. Because sharing genes does not equate to sharing the same exact experiences, opinions, or preferences, the inevitable spats ensue. Stressors, conflicts, and societal influences affect overall familial health and the atmosphere of the home, in addition to the minds and hearts of individual people living there. And yet, for all these negative pressures, family intactness creates the occasion for virtue and sacrifice, providing both children and spouses with long-term connections that gradually, with effort, give way to the conditioning of virtue and the cultivation of mutual love. Imperfect, But Good Processing challenges as a family leads to better outcomes because children see their parents sticking together through thick and thin (providing a model of fidelity), while the companionship and opportunities for negotiation found in sibling relationships set the tone for future relationships outside the family. While a household of stubborn individuals is not exactly conducive to unity and harmony, the balm of forgiveness can soothe family-inflicted wounds through free, generous, and healing love. COVID-19, which has driven us back into our homes, has also transformed those very homes into crucibles. Whether living with relatives feels like a grace or a curse, it nonetheless confronts us with opportunities to sacrifice our needs and wants for the well-being of others. In this way, we are challenged and yet hopeful that our society will emerge with a heightened sense of the privilege that is family life – imperfect, but good. |
